Inspiration, move me brightly
Inspiration was delivered to my apartment last week. It was tied up with an indigo ribbon; a pink sticky note proudly perched on top. Inside a birthday care package from my mom, next to a ziploc bag of homemade pilgrim-shaped sugar cookies, lay this humble and thoughtful gift from my mom...and maybe also the universe? More on that in a moment.
A few days before the arrival of this divinely-timed package, I sat in a psychedelic-assisted therapy session. There were a number of beautiful "ah-ha" moments throughout the arc of the experience, but a major one came at the end of the evening as my therapist and I recapped. I shared about the challenges I bump into creatively, to feel so passionate and sure of myself and my work and to simultaneously feel like I'm always pushing and pulling, straining to find inspiration.
She let time pass before saying anything, then simply asked if I thought I was good at receiving (compliments, gifts, feedback, etc.). I let my gut and intuition answer immediately: no.
She asked, "Would you be open, especially with your birthday coming up in a few days, to really practice receiving everything and anything that comes your way?" "Yes," I told her, "I can practice that."
And I really practiced. With every "happy birthday" I received, I mindfully listened and let it simmer in my ears, brain, and heart. It felt overwhelming at times. It also felt really nice.
My mom has always been my biggest supporter and, as my mom, she has unfortunately been the easiest voice for me to tune out and/or not fully hear. (That certainly has some connection to the years of conflict that came from me being a hard-headed first born.) For as long as I can remember, she's encouraged and supported my creative projects directly and indirectly: as an artist herself, she's constantly reinventing and learning new techniques. Earlier this year, she fulfilled a decades-long dream of opening her own art gallery, the 110 Gallery, in my hometown.
As I've been mulling over what to write about to resurrect my monthly emails with real regularity, I've found that I've been force feeding myself "inspiration." And it was during a force feeding session earlier today that my therapist's invitation and my mom's lovingly staccato hand writing on the pink sticky note merged with a bang, and I fully received the gift and the message:
"Don't forget to write, you're so good at it. love, mom."
Beneath the sticky note were five pieces of her homemade stationary, prints of her own paintings on each one. All the inspiration I really needed to remember my love of writing — a love born partly from her love of writing and her love of art. An explosive montage lit up in my brain as I, seemingly for the first time, connected dots from my whole life together to help me understand this moment right now. I really saw how hard I try to materialize inspiration out of thin air to make something, anything happen, rather than simply remaining open and receiving information and stimuli just waiting to be taken in through any of my senses.
So I guess that's all to say, inspiration is everywhere, the question is, are we willing to see, hear, and receive it? And then, when we do, what do we do with it?
One thing I'll offer, in my constantly evolving relationship with writing and my growing collection of mom-made stationery: I'd love to send you a letter. If you'd like to receive, respond with your address.
What's inspiring you at the moment?
A couple of other things to share:
I'm super pumped to be kicking off a residency at The Class's Tribeca studio where I'll be leading my Rhythm of Happiness breathwork classes monthly. The first one is going to be a hybrid with my friend and founder of The Class, Taryn Toomey, on 12/15. Signup here
I'm leading more private breathwork sessions for individuals and teams and would love to do a session with you. Respond to this or send a message here if interested in learning more.
I made this 5-hr playlist for a murder mystery party Levina and I recently hosted. It's a great vibe for chill and cozy hangs this winter.
My friend Sun introduced me to this album and I can't stop listening
My friend Nacho put out this nearly 10-hr set from Burning Man and it's amazing.
If you're in NYC, go check out Luna Luna.
De-stress from the holidays with Spiritune: a music app I've been working on for the last few years that uses music therapy and neuroscience principles in its proprietary music to help regulate emotions (use the code friendsofcaleb).
Thanks for reading and for being you.